What the heck man, I leave the country for a little bit and return to this dumb state of mind.
It’s hard to feel okay when you know you’re hanging on to impossible ideas. I’m scared by the fact that I’m so full of this resentment towards the unattainable (and my illogical reasons for wanting it), but mostly, it makes me sad that you haven’t put the whole puzzle together yet. Or maybe it’s just that we’re too used to pretending the pieces never existed in the first place.
I am basically standing in the hands of the unexpected, waiting for something to catch me off guard. This is paradoxically painful.